Today is my 27th birthday. I know that today is supposed to be a day of celebration and time with friends and in years past that has usually been what I have done. But at the same time, I have found for the past several years now that in the days/week leading up to my birthday I wish it would already be over and that people would just pretend that it is not a big deal. I think that it will be useful to spend some time on this to better understand why I feel this way and what a birthday is about.

The earliest birthday I remember vividly is my birthday in first grade. Both me and my sister had a slumber party at my house. I remember the time fondly. At one point me and friends were marching around like Indian chiefs wearing boxers on our heads. I remember staying up late and all around having a fun time. The next birthday I remember was roughly 2 years later. This time it was a larger scale party with many people in my class. Instead of remembering the time fondly, for this party I don’t remember what the activity actually was. I remember on the drive back from the party, I was asking everyone who attended if they had fun. I remember people saying yes, but also being surprised that I was asking.

In middle school, my parents offered me and my siblings a deal. For a long time we had wanted a dog, the deal was we can get a dog but no more birthday celebrations. We all agreed and adopted Eve, our first dog. From then on, there were no more birthday parties for any of us. We still did candles and cake and I think we got gifts but there were no more parties. Still I’m happy we made this deal, Eve was worth it. Honestly, I don’t really remember any of my birthdays from when we made the deal through a few years ago. I don’t remember any of the presents I got, or what I did on any of the days. I’m sure we did some minor celebrating, but nothing that has left a lasting impact through now.

I like joining the celebration for the birthdays of my friends and family. But I guess I would say that I enjoy celebrating other people’s birthdays because it is an important day to them. And I like to prioritize what is important to those I care about. But then people want to join me for my birthday and acknowledge the day and it feels strange because to me my birthday is not so different from another day except when people ask my age is now ‘+1’. But maybe I am looking at this wrong. What are the positive sides of my birthday?

A bit earlier, I received a text wishing me a happy birthday from a friend I haven’t seen in some time. He asked me what I was doing tonight and asked if I wanted to hang out some time. After receiving the text, I felt a wave of happiness and the thought crossed my mind that maybe a birthday is an opportunity to catch up with friends, a chance to let people know you are still thinking of them, and a chance to let people know that they matter. It may be the case that a birthday shouldn’t be the reason to catch up with friends and family, but maybe saying ‘happy birthday’ really means something like ‘you’re in my thoughts and I hope things have been going well and continue to go well’. It can be tough to tell someone something like that out of nowhere and maybe having a dedicated day to let the people you care about know that you care is reason enough.

Going forward, instead of looking at birthdays as pointless occasions and my own birthday as a day to dread, I will aim to treat birthdays as days of reflection and celebration. 27 years ago today, I first showed up in this world. In that time, I have been through ups and downs and have become close with many people, all of whom have helped shape me into who I am today. On this day, I celebrate the crossing of our paths and I reflect on how fortunate I am to have those around me that I do.